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In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale - At some point in some movie producer's career, this random person had a script for a medieval fantasy action flick passed through their care, and someone involved said, "Hey, you know who would rock in this movie as the king? The one actor who has the elegance and grace to portray a king, but the sterling masculinity to pull off the battle and action aspects of the film?" "Who?" I imagine was then asked back. "I'll tell you who. Burt freakin' Reynolds, that's who. And that skinny dude from Scream? He's totally gonna play the evil prince. And we'll get Jason Statham as the lowly farmer who saves the day." Somehow, this rambling train of thought worked its way into a feature film, directed by none other than that auteur of the train-wreck school of filmmaking, Uwe Boll. And yes, it's totally as awesome as it sounds. Stick around to the end credits for some hardcore death-minstrel music, a genre I honestly didn't know existed until this brilliant film opened my unseeing eyes.

Punisher: Warzone - Starts out awesome, the epitome of what a Punisher flick should be, before quickly derailing into a straight-to-the-bargain-bin dvd quality action movie. Though the presence of McNulty as the unfortunately-named Jigsaw provides amusement, and the Punisher himself has never been so perfectly cast.

Taken - Liam Neeson is all sorts of badass.

That's all for now, folks. More to come at sporadic intervals.

- Clinton